Thoughts on a Distinctly Canadian Election

For the first time in my lifetime, I went to bed knowing who the newly elected Prime Minister of Canada is, but not knowing if he would still be Prime Minister when I woke up the next morning. It's an odd feeling, really. Maybe even a little scarry. Definitely bizarre. But now that I've had about 24 hours to work through all of this, I suppose I can chalk it up to the painfully unique Canadian electoral system.

I was excited about voting yesterday. I have followed the last couple of elections fairly closely but seemed to be especially captivated by this one, probably because there are some issues at stake that will have a bigger impact now on my family. Things like child care, health care, and even though it wasn't a major issue through the campaign, same-sex 'marriage.' The intensity only heightened when everything took a distinctly Canadian turn.

For example, since when is a 58-day (or however long it was) campaign a marathon? I would much rather go through a "marathon" like this than endure 18 months of mindless trash-talking by American politicians. Not to mention I was duly impressed by the fact I only had to watch about four-and-a-half minutes of election coverage before we could declare our new leader. Evidently, it doesn't matter that he didn't have the most votes at the time he was declared the winner.

And how do you explain an election where the winner - definition of "winner": the one who gets the most votes - actually gets the most votes but still manages to get neutered of almost all his power in the process? Are we electing a leader or not? Even though he earns the most votes of all the contestants, he doesn't have ... wait for it ... here it comes ... the "majority" of seats.

This may have been the most anticipated part of the whole election. Instead, he has a "minority," or as Canadians have cleverly termed it, he has the "plurality" of votes or seats or some other political term with which I am likely highly unfamiliar. It's like going to a hockey game and saying, "He didn't score a 'hat trick' ... he scored a 'plurality' ... eh?" It's just not right.

But the reason I went to bed anxious on election night was because of a word that we hadn't heard through the entire campaign: "coalition." Apparently, when the incumbent Prime Minister is unceremoniously dumped on his can after an election but still has enough seats (or 'votes' or whatever he needs to have) that, when combined with those of another party, they could come together - form a coalition - and take away the power of the newly elected Prime Minister.

In other words, the loser could still be the winner. Had Paul Martin and Jack Layton formed a coalition last night or today, Paul Martin could still be Prime Minister today. Talk of a coalition between the Liberals and NDP seemed pretty popular for a while last night. And after a low-ball campaign like the one this has been, it wouldn't have suprised me in the least.

Only in Canada, my friends. Only in Canada can democracy take a brutal kick in the teeth like that and come back for more two years later.

All of this, of course, after a series of debates whose passion rivaled that of a funeral for a person nobody liked. I'm not a huge fan of watching American politicians duke it out on national television, but at least they can descend into a free-for-all once in a while. They're allowed to get a little hot and bothered about stuff that turns their crank ... stuff that makes their boat float ... stuff that puts the peanuts in their butter. Like when former Presidential candidate Ross Perot was once asked about economic reform and health care, and he responded in his midget-like Texas twang by saying something like: "... fixing that is as easy as squeezin' crap through a goose!"

Well, OK, maybe Ross Perot didn't say that, exactly. Maybe, just maybe, it was a Dana Carvey impersonation on Saturday Night Live.

I know this blog is particularly long, but I had to get this stuff off my chest. (I should also mention that much of what I've said may be way off base; I think I know just enough to be dangerous.) All of this to say that the Canadian political system is a strange monster, indeed. It's strange-ness comes from a language that is uniquely Canadian. Words like majority, minority, plurality, seats, and coalition.

When it's all said and done though, there is really only one thing left to say.

Congratulations, Mr. Harper.

Ya hoser.