Willful or Willing?

So I've spent much of the last two days at work hosting a small group of people who are looking into some of their educational options for the future. It's been a crazy busy two days. As part of the event, we did some things that normally don't happen at school over the summer months. We had a chapel gathering yesterday and then a breakfast gathering this morning with some of the staff and faculty. In the midst of the craziness of these two days, I was unexpectedly challenged.

I was reminded of the difference between being willful and willing. To be willful suggests in part that we are desirous of accomplishing our own ends, carving our own path, determining our own direction, sometimes in spite of what God may be calling us to. To be willing indicates that while we have our own plans and desires, we are voluntarily laying them aside so God can show us precisely what He wants us to do.

King Saul was willful. Job was willing. How willful am I? How willing am I?

This lesson was trumped when, later in that same chapel gathering, we sang "Blessed Be The Name of the Lord." I've always liked that song, but yesterday it took on a new meaning. Each verse of the song shows the contrast between prosperity and hardship, joy and grief, the "good life" and the "difficult life," occasionally living in the pergatory between hope and despair. It's a song that challenges willfullness and at the same time, fosters willingness. In the end, I'm pushed to bless the name of the Lord not only when he gives me the good things but also when he allows the bad things.

Even the way I wrote that last sentence reveals a little bit of how I've been approaching God: sometimes, it's all about the good things God gives me. What about the bad things God gives me - or to say it in a way that soothes our western version of Christianity - what about the bad things God allows to happen to me (see a posting - 'On Junk and Western Faith' - by a fellow blogger http://www.marshanee.blogspot.com)? Am I really as willing as I hope I am? Or am I as willful as I'm afraid I am?

This morning, I was challenged to consider the way God is working in other people's lives. When Jairus saw Jesus heal the sick woman, that event immensely increased his faith that Jesus could do something for him, and more importantly, do something for his daughter. Despite the reports coming from his house that his daughter was dead, Jairus was hopeful that Jesus would come with him anyway and do the same thing for him that Jesus just did for the sick lady.

We know how the story ends. Jesus went. Jairus' daughter was healed. From reading the story, I get the sense Jairus was willful - passionately willful that his daughter would live - but even more so, he was willing. Willing to receive the good and accept the bad. Willing to embrace the prosperity and endure the hardship. Willing to bless the name of the Lord no matter what happened. Like Job did. Like Jesus did.

I know there are parts of my life where I'm willing. There are also parts of my life where I'm willful. I have a hard time even imagining the pain and utter hopelessness that so many people in London, England must be feeling today after the terrorist attacks. How is it humanly possible to be willing - to bless the name of the Lord - when the very people that brought you such joy are no longer with you? Perhaps the answer is in that question. It's not humanly possible.

I'm also learning that God has worked in other people's lives in similar ways that He may be working in mine right now, like Jairus and the sick lady. I need to learn from that ... willingly. I'm discovering there are people close to me who have received both immense blessing from God and intense hardship as well.

And in the meantime, I'm learning that when it comes to blessing and hardship, maybe there isn't as much of a difference as I once thought there was.